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| Friday, October 19th, 2007 | | 5:22 am |
| | Tuesday, October 9th, 2007 | | 5:23 pm |
"And the number one threat to America is... Bears."
Dear Daniel,
Congratulations! You have been admitted to Oakland University for the Winter Semester 2008 as a Journalism student.Fuck yeah, bitches. I guess this means I'm better than you and you all should buy me drinks. | | Sunday, September 23rd, 2007 | | 10:46 am |
| | Saturday, September 8th, 2007 | | 5:19 am |
"Because nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around"
It grows in the nervous pit of your stomach, scaring away the butterflies and trampling over the knots you may have conceived it with, then slithers up your spine to your heart where it festers and feasts on sorrow, sadness and doubt, then in finally crawls up the brain stem leaving a lump in your throat and entering your brain, scratching at the inside of your skull and destroying your mind, stopping you in your tracks, seizing you in thought, using the claws of the past to stop you in the present and fill your future with scars, if it decides to let you have a future. Do you stop it with the right words entering the ear canal? With the proper dosage in your bloodstream? Do you sleep it off and hope it dies in your slumber? Drown it with alcohol? Maybe even a single injection of a lead pill, 9mm wide, from a pistol shaped syringe? I really shouldn't be up at 5:30 in the morning. | | Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007 | | 12:02 pm |
| | Tuesday, August 7th, 2007 | | 12:16 pm |
| | Saturday, August 4th, 2007 | | 1:09 pm |
| | Sunday, July 29th, 2007 | | 4:04 am |
| | Tuesday, July 17th, 2007 | | 8:58 pm |
| | Wednesday, July 4th, 2007 | | 7:51 pm |
| | Sunday, June 24th, 2007 | | 12:57 am |
"Garage Freak? Jesus, what kind of a crazy fucking story is this?"
BREAKING NEWS - Dan Simons, 20, Bored as Hell by Dan Simons, WGAF News NEW BALTIMORE - Dan Simons, 20, is really fucking bored. Simons was last seen on his brother's computer, listening to music and browsing the internet. Reports show that his little sister's graduation party was the next day, and he didn't care. "He's a shitbag," reports Simons' mother. Last Wednesday, Simons and his friend 19 year old Bryan Braun traveled by car out to Grand Valley University. There they helped a friend Rick Radomski, 20, in filming the student project "To Live and Die in Dixie," where Simons' silver 1989 Plymouth Reliant was used as a background prop. Radomski, Braun, and Simons have been friends since they attended Anchor Bay High School. "He makes me tingle in places I'm afraid to tingle," said Radomski. Eye witnesses indicate that Simons recently attended the graduation and birthday party of another friend, 18 year old Maggie Kennedy. Simons was seen drinking Pepsi One and Diet Lipton Iced Tea. Simons turned 20 last week, with a low key birthday that involved a late night trip to Tim Hortons on 23 Mile Road. Included in his gifts were a box of Lego building blocks, season five of the television series "Scrubs", and a ten pound, hickory-handled sledge hammer. Braving the traffic of 23 Mile and Hall Road, Simons was also seen on Saturday purchasing a Full Throttle Slurpee iced drink, a dozen black athletic socks, and a video game for the Nintendo DS game system called "Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time." He purchased the game with a 6 month old gift card from his Aunt Gail. "He likes video games, I think," said the woman. "At least I hope so. Our family is so out of touch with each other it isn't funny." Simons was supposed to meet with his cousin Lindsey, Gail's daughter, during his stay in Grand Valley. Lindsay is a student at Ferris State but was unable to schedule time with her cousin. "Oh well, I'll see him at the graduation party" said the 23 year old. The graduation party, which is scheduled for Sunday, June 24th, will be the first graduation party for the Simons family. Robert Simons, 24, didn't want a party; Dan Simons didn't have a party either, mainly because his mother's a bitch. On Monday, Simons will go to Macomb Community College to schedule the last of the classes he will take there before transferring to Oakland University in the winter, where he will major in journalism studies. "We are the goodest school for the learnings and things and stuff," said a Macomb representative. Once his classes are scheduled, Simons will more than likely continue to work for his father, where he will be sun burnt, dehydrated, consumed by bugs, harassed by homeowners, insulted by coworkers, poisoned by party store sandwiches, and grossly underpaid. "I'd rather owe it to him than cheat him out of it," says Simons's father Tom, on the issue of salary. Simons says he will now go to sleep, because he predicts his mother will drag him out of bed to help prepare for the party. "Bitches ain't shit," reported Simons. | | Tuesday, June 19th, 2007 | | 3:53 pm |
"Dr. Reid, I need to get Enid a birthday present. I think it was last week. "
Woohoo, birthday. I remember when I turned 10. A decade ago. I was in my driveway, and it was a bright sunny day, and I remember thinking "Holy crap, I'm a decade old." Then I saw the bush across the street from my house and realized it's been that big all my life. How old must that thing be? Then I saw my chimney, and wondered how old the bricks were. A decade seemed like forever to be alive, and then I realized how fast a decade goes by. That was when I was ten. I turn 20 today, and looking back, my tenth birthday feels like forever ago, but a forever that flew by in a snap. My birthday wish is that time stops moving so damned fast, unless its bad times, then those bad times can pick up the pace from the good times being so long and go by even faster than normal time. If that makes any sense. Time for cake. | | Sunday, June 10th, 2007 | | 2:30 am |
"acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here."
I decided to throw a party at my farm seeing as how I just got paid, my parents were in Canada, and wood needed to be burned. I figured, a little booze and maybe a dozen of my good friends would be a cool time. Yeah right. 23 people showed up. Gallons of alcohol. Illegal drugs. Prostitution. Adultery. Violent puking. 30 foot tall flames. Oral sex. Assault with a deadly weapon. A one night stand. And all the while the coyote slowly circled around the farm, yipping and howling into the night. I also found out that not that many of my friends respect me or anything I say. Needless to point out, but this was the last party I'm throwing. | | Friday, June 1st, 2007 | | 10:07 pm |
"Guns. Lots of guns."
I have a new machete. Her name is Betty. Betty the machete. She came with a sheath, a sheath named Keith. | | Saturday, May 19th, 2007 | | 1:02 am |
| | Thursday, April 26th, 2007 | | 2:05 pm |
| | Sunday, April 22nd, 2007 | | 2:34 am |
| | Saturday, April 21st, 2007 | | 10:25 am |
"But no, no, they'd rather catch the guy who's stealing organs from the transplant ward. "
I thieved from Karen. Comment, and I shall... 1 - Tell you why I friended you. Assuming I can remember :) 2 - Associate you with something. A fandom, a song, a colour, a piece of fruit. SOMETHING. 3 - Tell you something I like about you. 4 - Tell you a memory I have of you. 5 - Associate you with a character/pairing. 6 - Ask something I've always wanted to know about you. (Or else I'll just ask a random question. I reserve that right.) 7 - This was some question about user pics. Fuck that. You ask me a question. 8 - In return, you must spread this disease in your LJ. | | Wednesday, April 11th, 2007 | | 6:54 pm |
"It may disturb you. It scares the willies out of me. "
So, I bought a black Red Book today. Well, it's called a Red Book... but it's black. It's a planner. And in this planner, I plan to plot, scribe, transpose, organize and convey my first novel. It's an idea that's been brewing in my head for a while- it started as a bit for an online magazine, grew into a short-story contest entry, and evolved past all of those into a full book. A novel idea, if I do say so myself. So, now you know that on April 11th, 2007, Dan Simons began writing a novel. Remember that when I'm rich and famous and have bitches and stuff. | | Tuesday, March 27th, 2007 | | 10:11 am |
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